Today was a sleep in kind of day. Last night I was up for
quite a long time, writing and surfing the net; so this morning I decided to
sleep in a good deal and take the day slow. The only orientation activities of
the day were for students in specific programs or internships, so I had the day
completely off. I took my time getting ready and lazed about the room for a
good several hours, messing with my camera and doing a little more paperwork
while getting all caught up on the newest season of Sherlock. I cannot even
express how nice it was to be relaxing, going about my business, and then to
glance out the window to see the London skyline stretching for miles, spotty
clouds allowing either sun or rain to bear down on the city, sometimes both.
Already, I am falling in love with this place. I know that I
will not want to leave come the end of semester; the time is too short. I wish
I had an entire lifetime just to spend in this place alone, enough time that
would allow me to explore every single hidden corner and side-street; to find
all the gems this city has to offer. But it would be too easy to spend an
entire life here and never to see any of the other places I also want to see.
But maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for one to spend their days here…
I just know that these past few days I have felt more
inspired, passionate, curious and alive than I have in a long time. It has been
too long since I have felt like this. Never before have I so much loved that
moment of slumping down onto the bed, removing my shoes, and rubbing my sore
feet after a long day of exploring. I have already covered miles.
I don’t know what I want out of life. I often find myself
severely discouraged when plans and dreams get turned upside down, and every time
it compounds into a type of disappointment that sits like a rock in my heart. I
have no great talents, and one begins to realize just how small one’s life
really is when you become another body in a great and expansive city, ebbing
and flowing with the traffic and cramming into elevators uncomfortably close to
strangers. Each life, equally complex. On the train, a woman dressed in
business dress, perching a Coach bag on her lap with her stocking legs and new
knee-high boots settled prettily slightly under her, make-up still perfect even
after a long day at work. She sits directly across from a lady who is leaned
slightly diagonal in her own seat, hair pulled back into a messy and rushed
ponytail, the frayed ends of her sweater grip her own purse on her lap which is
faded and worn down on the handles, very similar to the state of her Converse
shoes which are dirty – white laces long since turned a greyish brown -
creased, full of holes from miles of walking. She anxiously chews on the inside
of her lip and on her cheeks; looking about her at the other riders, yet her
thoughts obviously wandering elsewhere to greater concerns. Each person, just as
complex, but entirely different. In an international city such as this, one
notices people more than ever. It
seems that people have never before been so interesting. But the sheer number
of bodies is overwhelming. One feels a little lost, and perhaps just a little
worthless; how can anyone establish a name for themselves in the midst of an
ocean of people who are all striving to do the same. And how is one supposed to
meet someone to call their own when one so seldom ever sees the same person
twice. And this is one city in a much larger world that is much the same. I don’t
know where I am going; I have very few big “plans” or big “dreams” anymore. I
don’t know if I will ever meet someone to call my own; I don’t know if I want
to anymore. I don’t know if I will leave anything behind me that is worthwhile
or rememberable; I don’t know if I have the talent for it. But I do know that I
can keep rambling along at least. As long as I’m moving forward, it doesn’t
matter what the direction is, I suppose. I think that I will try to remain as curious
as possible, not change myself for anyone, but welcome others along if they do
choose to pair their life with mine, and to keep challenging myself to go with
the flow and trust that wherever I am taken is where I am meant to be at that
time; for better or for worse.
Later this afternoon, a big group of friends decided to take
the tube over to the British Museum. We did not stay for long, and only
scratched the surface of its vast collection. The few exhibits we did get through,
however, were packed full of ancient coins and Greek and Roman relics.
Thankfully though, the museum is free admittance, so it is likely that we will
attempt a return sometime soon. After that it was fairly uneventful as we
stopped by the grocery store on the way back to the dorm for some groceries and
then said our farewells for the night and parted upon return to NIDO. So here I
sit, with a cup of tea by me actually, believe it or not (giving it a try
though I still don’t consider myself much of a tea person). When in London…
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